Boundaries: What are they? And how do I set them?
What Does "Setting Boundaries" Actually Look Like?
Hey, have you ever heard the term "setting boundaries" and wondered, “What does that really mean?” You’re not alone! Setting boundaries is one of those things that sounds simple in theory but can feel really tricky when you try to put it into practice—especially if you're someone who tends to put others' needs before your own. Don’t worry, I’m here to break it down for you in a way that feels approachable, empowering, and super helpful!
So, What Exactly Are Boundaries?
Think of boundaries like invisible lines you create to protect your emotional, mental, and physical space. They’re a way of saying, “Hey, this is what I need in order to feel safe, respected, and happy.” Setting boundaries helps you prioritize your well-being and ensures that you're not overextending yourself or sacrificing what’s important to you.
But here’s the thing—setting boundaries isn’t about being “mean” or “selfish.” It’s about honoring your needs and teaching others how to respect them.
What Does Setting Boundaries Look Like in Real Life?
Let’s walk through a few examples of what setting boundaries can look like in real life:
1. Saying “No” to Overcommitment
Ever feel like you say "yes" to everything, even when you’re totally maxed out? Setting a boundary in this situation means learning how to say “no” (without feeling guilty!) when you don’t have the time or energy to take on something new. For example:
Scenario: A friend asks you to go out for dinner, but you’ve had a long, stressful day and just want to relax at home.
Boundary: “I really appreciate the invite, but I need some downtime tonight. Let’s plan for another day!”
Why it works: You’re prioritizing your well-being while still being kind and respectful toward your friend.
2. Setting Emotional Boundaries in Conversations
Have you ever had someone unload all their problems on you, and you end up feeling drained or overwhelmed? Setting emotional boundaries means knowing when to step back and protect your mental space.
Scenario: A family member calls and starts venting about something that’s really heavy, and you realize it’s affecting your mood.
Boundary: “I’m really sorry you’re going through this, but I’m not in the right headspace to have this conversation right now. Can we talk about it another time?”
Why it works: You’re acknowledging the other person’s feelings while also taking care of your emotional needs.
3. Setting Time Boundaries in Relationships
Time is precious, especially in your 20s when you’re juggling school, work, relationships, and trying to maintain your personal hobbies and self-care routine. Setting time boundaries is about managing your energy and time in a way that feels balanced.
Scenario: A friend asks you to spend the whole weekend with her, but you’ve already made plans to relax and recharge.
Boundary: “I’d love to hang out, but I’ve set this weekend aside for myself to relax and recharge. Let’s catch up next week instead!”
Why it works: You’re honoring your need for rest while still expressing care for your friendship.
4. Setting Physical Boundaries in Intimate Relationships
Physical boundaries are all about feeling safe and comfortable in your body. Whether in romantic relationships or friendships, it’s important to communicate your comfort zone when it comes to physical touch.
Scenario: You’re on a date, and your date starts touching you in a way that makes you uncomfortable.
Boundary: “I’m not ready for that kind of touch right now, but I’d love to continue getting to know you.”
Why it works: You’re asserting your right to decide what feels good for you and setting the tone for healthy, respectful interaction.
Why Setting Boundaries Is a Game-Changer
Setting boundaries can feel a little awkward at first, but once you start practicing it, you'll notice just how much lighter and more in control you feel. Boundaries allow you to say “yes” to what really matters and “no” to things that drain your energy or compromise your peace of mind. You’ll feel more confident, empowered, and aligned with your true self.
Plus, boundaries help foster healthier, more respectful relationships. When you clearly communicate your needs, others are more likely to respect them. And let’s be real: You deserve people who support you and your boundaries!
A Little Reminder…
If you’re new to setting boundaries, it might feel uncomfortable or even cause some initial tension with others. That’s okay! It takes practice, and it’s normal to feel a bit of guilt or worry about disappointing others at first. But over time, you’ll get more comfortable, and your relationships will become healthier and more balanced. You’ve got this!
Remember, you are allowed to protect your energy, your time, and your emotional well-being. It’s not selfish; it’s self-care! Setting boundaries is an act of love—for yourself and for those around you.
If you’re ready to dive deeper into setting healthy boundaries and want support along the way, I’m here for you! Let’s work together to create a life where YOU come first—because you deserve it.
Have you set any boundaries lately? How did it feel? Let me know , reach out—I'd love to hear from you!
Jade Staubs, LCSW - Licensed therapist with J Therapy
